Court Day, Meet Date: March 14, 2011

Today we all (six couples) piled into a van and went to Holt International's office in Ethiopia.  We were briefed on what would happen in court and for the rest of the day.  Our appearance in court was for us to confirm, in person, to the court that we had met the kids and that we wanted them.  It was also the day for the person that relinquished the child for adoption to appear in court and confirm their wishes for the child to be adopted.  This could be a parent, family member or person that found the child if they were abandoned.

We then travelled to the court where we stood in a room waiting for the judge to see us.  In the room we were with other adoptive parents and also with the people that were confirming their wishes for the child to be adopted.  We knew it was likely that the person that brought our kids to the orphanage was in the room, but we weren't sure who it was.  Very eerie.

We were called into the judge's chambers with two other couples and the judge asked the group several questions, "Have you educated yourself on international adoption and the identity issues that can arise later? Have you educated yourself on the history of Ethiopia?  Do you understand that if you agree, the adoption is final and nothing can break it?"  To all of this we answered "yes."  And the judge said, "then it is so."

That was it.

We all went out to lunch and then back to the Holt office to meet the person that had reliquished the kids for adoption.  We aren't going to share the details of this because they are private and only for Endrias and Bethelihem to know when they are ready.  We keep these details in a "life book" that is only for them to have.  If later in life they want to share that with others, it will be their choice.  We do this because we recognize that with adoption, there is always some pain and that pain causes scars that don't need to be re-exposed by talking to everyone about their history.  When and if they're ready, they can share it.

I will say this.  As joyful as we are to have these children in our lives, there is an equal amount of suffering and tragedy for another family.  In our world, we have no concept of what it is like to have to make the choice between a child dying of starvation or giving them up.   It also takes so much committment for these people to bring a child to a care center for adoption.  These are people with so little: often illiterate, without a profession, home, shoes.  They have to come to the care center, be interviewed on three separate occasions with separate social workers and be willing to be transported the 6 hours of bad road to the capitol city for a court date where they will lose three days of wages if they have them.  It takes so much fortitude and love to go through all that to try to bring a child into a better life.  We have come to accept that the love of these people for our children to relinquish them to us is more profound than we could have imagined.  It is not an act of weakness, it is an act of strength and it comes at great cost for them.  We have looked that in the face, and we are forever changed.