Kids on the move.

We were told this week that our kids have been moved from their care center in South Ethiopia to the capitol city, Addis Ababa.  Typically, the kids are moved as the time for us to pick them up draws near, so we take this as a good sign, for us.  For them, it will be leaving their part of the world for the first time.  The trip to Addis is likely their first trip in a car; it will be the first time they've seen a paved road, buildings, street lights, so many people.  They will also have left behind the village of their birth family and the nannies that have been caring for them for the past 8 months.  We know they are resilient and strong, but our hearts ache for all the change they have had to endure in their little lives.  What a journey for us all.

A decree!

We had unexpected and good news today. We were awaiting a second court date for the adoption attorney in Ethiopia so a final adoption decree could be issued for our family. Today we heard that the letter from the Ethiopian Ministry of Women, Youth and Child Affairs we were awaiting had been sent to the court and the court issued a final decree for our adoption without a second court date. This means that now we are only waiting for new birth certificates, then passports, then an interview with the U.S. embassy. When we get called for an interview with the U.S. embassy is when we make our final trip to Ethiopia to pick up our kids. Hopefully that will be in the next 8-12 weeks, barring a government shut down here or there...

No news is no news

We still don't have any news about a second court date or any progress on our case from the
Ethiopia side. In this case, I don't think no news is good news, it's just no news.

In the meantime we've been working to try and make things as smooth as possible from this end, but it's challenging without having an idea about when the kids will come. Enrolling in school and securing childcare are our biggest tasks but hard to do when we don't really even have a ballpark estimate for when they are coming home. Patience...I'm learning.

Delays

Up until the point of the court date on March 14, we were expecting delays in the adoption process.  We thought, though, that after the court date it would be mostly smooth sailing until we bring the kids home 8 to 12 weeks later.

Unfortunately, we have had some bad news.  All of the couples that went to court on March 14 were lacking a letter from the Ethiopian Ministry of Women, Youth and Child Affairs that we need to get the court decree that is then sent to the US embassy for approval.  We are waiting now for the Holt lawyer who is working on our behalf to be given a court date to go back to court in hopes that they will have the letter by that date.  Apparently, there is no way to know whether or not that letter has been received by the court prior to court, so it's possible that at the second court date the letter still isn't there and we have to go through the process again.  As of yet, we don't have a second court date for the lawyer.  I guess one blessing is we don't have to appear again in court.

Our agency isn't able to give us any definitive answers about how long the delay will be so we have nothing to do but try and be patient and wait.

Ethiopia Post Script

I wanted to register some observations about Ethiopia as a country.  Our trip to Africa was not our first foray into the developing world so we weren't shocked by some of the things that might be shocking to others: extreme poverty, pollution, and disease.  Ethiopia certainly has all those things.  Yet, the things that stood out to me were the quiet confidence, grace and warmth of the people and their striking beauty.  They are so hospitable with their "coffee ceremony" that welcomed us to every hotel, restaurant and even the care center where our children are.  The people have such lovely smiles.  The food is spicy and exotic.  The countryside is varied and beautiful.

When I go to Latin America, it strikes me how prominent women are in society: you see them in the home, at work, out and about.  It's clear how important they are in the culture. It's a place of women.  India, I think, is a place of young men.  There are few women or children in view but in every public place from upscale shops to ancient tombs there were young men.
In contrast, Ethiopia is a country of children.  In every situation, every place, there are children alone; begging, walking on the streets, working.  We saw children that looked the age of 6 or 7 herding cattle, driving carts pulled by donkeys.   It is so different from anything I've seen before and underscores the continued tragedy of this and many impoverished countries in Africa: there are just too many children alone.  In sub-Saharan Africa it's estimated there are 48 million, yes million orphans.  What we are doing can't change the enormity of that problem, but it changes it for our two kids.

We are so proud of Ethiopia.  Proud of it's history as the birthplace of humanity.  Proud of it's rich culture and heritage.  And especially proud that of all the countries in Africa that have an overwhelming number of orphans and children in need, it stands as one of the few that have a stable enough government, strong enough infrastructue, and deep enough committment to their children to allow for international adoption and for that, we are forever grateful.

Lucky?

We often get the comment that our kids are so "lucky" that we are adopting them. This is one of the most annoying things an adoptive parent can hear. Every child deserves a home. Children born into a stable home with a nice house and family aren't reminded continually that they are lucky for having such a normal life. It's taken for granted.

For our kids to wind up in an orphanage at their tender age through no fault of their own is profoundly unlucky. When they come home with us they will have lost everything: their birth family, their country, their culture, their language. It will be akin to being abducted by aliens.

On the other hand, we have been allowed to bring these two beautiful babies into our home who have characteristics and talents that are no credit to us; who bring in a light into our boring life; who have expanded our horizons further than we ever thought we could go, and this is just the beginning. Lucky? Yes. We are the lucky ones.

Court Day, Meet Date: March 14, 2011

Today we all (six couples) piled into a van and went to Holt International's office in Ethiopia.  We were briefed on what would happen in court and for the rest of the day.  Our appearance in court was for us to confirm, in person, to the court that we had met the kids and that we wanted them.  It was also the day for the person that relinquished the child for adoption to appear in court and confirm their wishes for the child to be adopted.  This could be a parent, family member or person that found the child if they were abandoned.

We then travelled to the court where we stood in a room waiting for the judge to see us.  In the room we were with other adoptive parents and also with the people that were confirming their wishes for the child to be adopted.  We knew it was likely that the person that brought our kids to the orphanage was in the room, but we weren't sure who it was.  Very eerie.

We were called into the judge's chambers with two other couples and the judge asked the group several questions, "Have you educated yourself on international adoption and the identity issues that can arise later? Have you educated yourself on the history of Ethiopia?  Do you understand that if you agree, the adoption is final and nothing can break it?"  To all of this we answered "yes."  And the judge said, "then it is so."

That was it.

We all went out to lunch and then back to the Holt office to meet the person that had reliquished the kids for adoption.  We aren't going to share the details of this because they are private and only for Endrias and Bethelihem to know when they are ready.  We keep these details in a "life book" that is only for them to have.  If later in life they want to share that with others, it will be their choice.  We do this because we recognize that with adoption, there is always some pain and that pain causes scars that don't need to be re-exposed by talking to everyone about their history.  When and if they're ready, they can share it.

I will say this.  As joyful as we are to have these children in our lives, there is an equal amount of suffering and tragedy for another family.  In our world, we have no concept of what it is like to have to make the choice between a child dying of starvation or giving them up.   It also takes so much committment for these people to bring a child to a care center for adoption.  These are people with so little: often illiterate, without a profession, home, shoes.  They have to come to the care center, be interviewed on three separate occasions with separate social workers and be willing to be transported the 6 hours of bad road to the capitol city for a court date where they will lose three days of wages if they have them.  It takes so much fortitude and love to go through all that to try to bring a child into a better life.  We have come to accept that the love of these people for our children to relinquish them to us is more profound than we could have imagined.  It is not an act of weakness, it is an act of strength and it comes at great cost for them.  We have looked that in the face, and we are forever changed.